Don't let me drown
by Thranduil'sWinterCrown
Summary: As the adoptive daughter of Bobby Singer, I can tell ya I know a few things about a lot of things. But something I've never known, is love, not the family kind of love, but the romance kind. I want to be held by someone who truly loves me for who I am, is that too much to ask? Trigger warnings: Self-harm, abuse (past). Rated M for adult content. Starts at season 4. Castiel/OC
1. Chapter 1: I can't drown my demons

**Hello, welcome to my new fanfic, thanks for reading and giving this story a chance. **

**To the readers of my other fic, I will keep writing it, I just had this idea in my head, and I needed to do it, before I could start writing my other fic again. So don't worry lol.**

**This will not regularly be updated, only when I find time, as my other fanfic still has my main priority.**

**Please let me know what you think? And don't tell me I don't know anything about self-harm, because I do.**

**Let's get on with the story then, shall we? :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: I can't drown my demons they know how to swim<strong>

Things got bad when Dean died. My best friend went to hell, while I was still here. I should have gone. I should have been the one to have made that deal for Sam. I should have been _there_ when Sam died, I should have been there for Dean. Then maybe I would have been at the crossroads first, keep him from making that deal by making it myself. But no, I was at Bobby's. Like I've been for the past ten years. I should have gone with them when they went to search their father. But Bobby wouldn't let me go, for which I don't blame him. He's my adoptive father after all, he was just looking out for me. But I just can't shake the feeling that I could have – should have done something. That's why I left when Dean died.

I felt guilty for not being there, and why wasn't I there? Because I was kept captive by Bobby. Okay, captive isn't the right word, but still, he prevented me from going with the boys. They stopped by to ask me if I wanted to come with them, I was their best friend after all, and I was good at hunting. But Bobby wouldn't let me. Man, I love that guy, but I was damn angry at him right then. I wanted to go, wanted to keep them from doing stupid things – like I knew they would do. I was proven right two years later, when Dean made that deal for Sam. And where was I? At Bobby's. Even when he was out with Dean, looking for Sam, I wasn't allowed to leave the house. Too dangerous, he said. For God's sake, I knew how to hunt, I knew how to protect myself, Bobby was the one who taught me after all. But he wouldn't let me go anyway. But when Dean died, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I drove off on my Harley, out to find a way to bring Dean back, just like Sam had done a couple of days before.

I left, because all that time being at Bobby's, was what had made all those things happen. It was my fault they happened. If I had been there, if I had been stubborn enough to just go with them, I had been 22 at the time, I was an adult, Bobby couldn't keep me there if I had just been stubborn enough, all those things wouldn't have happened. Not wanting to just sit on my ass doing nothing this time, I left. Bobby didn't even knew I was gone. I left him a letter, but didn't say goodbye to him. Later I regretted that, but I knew it was the only way to leave.

This was almost four months ago. I haven't spoken or seen Sam or Bobby in all this time. I hadn't found anything to bring Dean back either. I had been on my own, cruising from motel room to motel room, from town to town, just me and my Harley, and some cash I had saved up. But I had found nothing. Of course I had gone to the crossroads demon, tried to make a deal, but the demon was gone, or just refused to show up. So that was a dead end. After that, I read book after book, trying to find something – _anything_, but ended up empty handed.

I've been in this motel room in Pontiac, Illinois for about a week now, feeling tired. And at this point, I have also given up all hope to get Dean back, and have finally accepted that he is gone – forever. The way I've been behaving lately, falling back into my old habits, is me accepting. Drinking, smoking, and I started self-harming again. I'm just such a failure, I shouldn't be alive. I should have been the one to go to hell, then Dean would have still been alive. I would have died, but I couldn't care less about that. I'm 26, nice age to die, I guess.

I'm lying on the bed, my arms full of fresh cuts, the blood seeping into the sheets. Vaguely I realize that I will have to pay for this later, but right now, I welcomed the numb feeling cutting always gives me, the way it always clears my head, and makes me able to think clearly for a while. To think about my death. I've been plotting my suicide for a few days now, I was just looking for the perfect way to go. As a hunter, I had a various collection of guns and knives, but when I left on my Harley, I didn't have the space to take much with me. The things I managed to take were Dean's gun, my own hunting knife, my gun and a few little blades. I already know I am not going to use a knife, or Dean's gun, it just doesn't feel right. So probably, I will be using my own gun. I also don't know for sure yet when I'll be going, but I was thinking of going in a few days, the day when Dean will be dead for precisely four months.

While fantasizing about my death, the tiredness slowly started to cloud over, and feeling numb, I fell asleep, only to be haunted by nightmares about Dean dying. I hadn't been there, but my mind kept visualizing how he had been torn apart by Hellhounds. It haunted my dreams, that's why I usually try to stay awake for as long as I can, but you can't stay awake forever. Too bad.

When I woke up, light was shining brightly through the windows. After getting up, I stumbled towards the bathroom. I stepped inside the shower and let the hot water run over my thin body. As always, the cuts started to sting like hell, but I enjoyed the burn it gave me. After a few minutes of just standing and feeling the burn, I washed myself and got out of the shower.

Standing in front of the mirror, I dried my hair. I looked at my reflection and once again, like I always have done, I hate what I see. Long, curly auburn hair, pale skin, bags underneath my dark brown eyes. Scars all over my thin body, old ones and new ones. Disgusting.

I quickly dried myself, walked out of the bathroom and got dressed. I put on a black, long-sleeved t-shirt, under a Metallica shirt that once belonged to Dean. Then my favorite black skinny jeans with studded belt and my black Dr. Martens to finish the look. I put in my 10mm stretcher and strapped on the studded, leather bracelet Sam had given me for my twentieth birthday. I walked over to the bedside table and grabbed the necklace that I had put there last night. It was the necklace Dean had always worn, the one he had gotten from Sam for Christmas. At first, I didn't want it, I wanted Sam to have it. But he wanted _me_ to have it, so I accepted it and wore it every day.

Just when I had pulled it on, there was a knock on the door. I tugged on my sleeves, making sure they were down and opened the door.

Who stood on the other side of the door, was totally not someone I had been expecting to see. I was immediately pulled into a bear-hug by the tall man.

"Sam, I can't breathe," I gasped.

He chuckled and slowly let go of me. "I'm sorry, it's just so good to see you, Jayden."

I smiled at him. "It's good to see you too, Sammy. But, why are you here? And how did you find me?"

"I was in town, and was going to rent a room here at this motel, when I saw your Harley outside of the motel. So I went to the reception desk and asked which room you were staying in, by the way, using your actual name is not really smart, we've told you that before. Anyway, I checked myself in, dropped off my stuff in my own room and then I came to see you," he rambled.

Processing what he had said, I smiled fondly at him. I hadn't realized how much I had missed him. "I'm glad you did, I really missed you, ya big moose," I said.

He grinned and said, "Still using the nickname, I see."

"Of course I am, you're stuck with it for the rest of your life," I grinned widely at him.

We were still standing at the door, which Sam noticed before I did. "Can I come in?" he asked me.

My grin faltered and I said, "Oh yes, of course, sorry, come in."

We sat down on the small couch and talked about how we've been doing for the past months, about which we both were very vague. I don't know why Sam was being vague, but I was because of my self-destructive behavior, which I always tried to keep hidden as much as I could. He doesn't know about the cutting, neither does Bobby, and neither did Dean. And I would like to keep it that way.

"So, why are you in town?" he asked me.

"For the past few months, I've been going from town to town, riding my Harley for as long as I could without falling asleep, just keeping my mind off things by riding. And when I finally can't stay awake any longer, I crash in motel rooms," I said, shrugging.

He slowly nodded, and he got that expression on his face I knew he always got when he was about to talk about some serious shit. "Jay, how does Bobby feel about you being away from home? Does he even know?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course he knows, Sammy. It's been four months."

"Right. But I can't believe he just let you go, after all the times he didn't let you come with us, and now you're here on your own, I just don't understand he let you go," he said thoughtfully.

Avoiding his gaze, I said, "He didn't just let me go, he didn't know I left."

I felt his gaze on my face, but I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Jay, you just left without _telling_ him?" he asked me.

"I left him a letter," I said softly.

He snorted. "Yeah, like that makes it okay to just leave without even saying goodbye. Can you imagine how he must have felt when he realized you were gone?"

I tried to say something, but he kept talking.

"I mean, Dean had only been dead for a few days and then _you_ just disappeared."

"I left hi-" I tried again, but was interrupted.

"Yeah, you left him a letter, but that doesn't make it alright, Jay. No matter how old you are, you're still his little girl. Dean, who was almost like a son to him, died and you left him alone, without even saying goodbye," he ranted, and I felt guilty, because what he said was true. But there was something about this that was bothering me.

"But wasn't that exactly what you did?" I silently asked him.

His annoyed expression saddened when he realized I was right. "Yes, you're right. Sorry Jayden, I shouldn't have been so blunt with you. I just –"

"Had to let out some of your frustration of the past months," I finished him. "It's okay, I get it. And what you were saying is true, I shouldn't have just left. But Sammy, I needed to be alone, and no way he was letting me go if I told him I was leaving."

He put his arm around my shoulders, sighed and laid his head down on my shoulder. "I know. I understand. He's very protective of you," he said, trying to lighten the mood.

I chuckled softly. "Yes, he is."

I thought about the way him and me had met, I had been sixteen at the time…

_I shivered while trying to find an abandoned building to sleep in. It had been five months already. Five months of being homeless, no money, eating food out of skips. I know it had been my own choice, but sometimes I wondered if I had made the wrong one. But every time I thought about that, there was a voice that immediately said it had been a good choice, a very good choice. I couldn't have stayed in that house, what if he had come back? I shivered again, but this time not because I was cold. It had definitely been the right choice._

_I found a building which looked like it could at least give some form of shelter, went inside and laid down against a far wall. I pulled the blanket over me, the one I had found somewhere a few months ago, and had always kept with me. _

_Waiting for the tiredness to cloud over, I suddenly heard a faint noise, like someone stepping on a twig or something. I kept quiet, listening if I heard anything else, but it remained quiet in the building. I relaxed and slowly started to fall asleep._

_Right before I fell asleep, I heard the noise again, this time much closer. I shot up and looked around me, trying to see something in the darkness. As I did so, I heard another noise, but it was a different one, one that made me shiver. A chuckle._

"_You know, with your eyes, trying to see me won't do you much good, darling. You won't be able to see me anyway, while I can see you perfectly clear."_

_The voice that had suddenly spoken up, made me tremble in fear. What did he mean, he could see me clearly? It was pitch black in here! He was talking bullshit, wasn't he?_

"_W-what do you m-mean?" I managed to stutter out._

_He chuckled again. "That, my darling, will soon become clear to you," he said, and I hated the way he called me darling._

"_But, for now," he continued. "Sleep."_

_I felt something hit my head with great strength and unconsciousness consumed me._

_When I came to, I realized I was tied to a pole, sitting on the floor. I looked around me. There were other people there, and by the way they looked at me, I knew asking them for help would be useless. _

_One of them, a girl with sandy blonde hair, walked up to me, and saw I was awake._

"_Hey, Dan, she's awake," she called out to someone._

_Dan came into view. He looked at me darkly, and then chuckled. I shivered when I recognized the chuckle, it was the same one I had heard in the building. He was the one who had attacked me, and had taken me here._

_He crouched in front of me, and cupped my trembling cheek with his hand. "Darling, don't be afraid, it will soon be over, and then we will be together, forever."_

_What the hell was he talking about?! What will soon be over? What does he mean with being together forever? And why did he keep calling me darling?_

_He stood up and walked over to a table. He took something from the stuff that was laying on it, and it wasn't until he turned back to me, that I could see what it was. A knife._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck was he going to kill me? He walked over to me, stopped a few inches away from my feet and crouched again. He took the knife to his arm and made a cut. Blood started to seep out of the wound. He brought his arm close to my face._

"_Drink," he said. I shook my head, eyes wide. No way in hell I was going to drink someone's blood. I wasn't a vampire or something._

_He hissed at me and I watched in horror as I saw _fangs_ come into his mouth. He was a vampire. But that's not possible, they're not real! Almost immediately, another voice in my head said it was very real. How would I explain the freaking fangs then? I couldn't. It was real. He was a vampire._

"_Lex, come over here, I need some help. She's stubborn," he called out, and I saw the blonde woman walk over to us. _

_She stood behind me and gripped my head tight, forcing me to open my mouth._

_Just as Dan brought his arm to my face again, I heard a door bust open, but I couldn't see it from my position._

_I heard a swoosh and suddenly Lex was on the floor, an arrow covered with blood sticking out of her chest. I heard more swooshes and thuds when the bodies hit the floor. Dan was still standing, looking at me longingly when at last, he too got an arrow through his chest. _

"_Dead man's blood, ya son of a bitches," I heard a gruff voice say._

_After that, I could hear several slashing sounds, followed by soft thuds, and rolling sounds. What was that? Did he cut of their heads or something?_

_I tried to see who had come to rescue me, but I was tied up rather tight and couldn't move._

_I heard footsteps nearing me, and an older man, somewhere in his early forty's came into view. He had a beard, wore a worn baseball cap and had kind eyes._

"_Hey, kid, everything's okay now, don't be afraid," he said, and he walked over to me and untied the ropes that had held me captive. He reached his hand out to me, to help me up, and I took it, glad to get up from the cold floor._

"Hello, earth to Jayden," Sam snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Huh, what?" I asked him, feeling a bit dazed.

He chuckled. "I forgot you do that," he said.

"Do what?"

"Just randomly zone out, completely lost in thoughts," he said jokingly, and I knew he wasn't mad at me for doing it.

I chuckled as well, though it probably sounded a bit forced.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked me curiously.

"About how Bobby and I had met," I admitted.

"When he saved you from those vampires?" he asked me. Sam knew the story just as well as I did.

I nodded my head. "What I still can't believe, after all those years, is that he just took me in. He knew I had slept on the streets for five months, as I had told him, and I must have smelled awful."

Sam thought for a while, before answering me, "I think he realized there was more to you than that. I mean, you've spent 16 years of your life in that hellhouse, which you survived. Bobby didn't know that at the time, but I think he felt how strong you was."

I shrugged. "Could be."

His phone rang, he took it out and looked who was calling. He pressed the call away.

"Don't you need to answer that?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, no-one important," he said, and he gave me a forced smile.

His phone went off again, this time it was a text message. His eyes widened when he read it, which he tried to hide by yawning.

"Look, Jay, it was nice catching up with you, but I'm going to get some sleep, if you don't mind. I haven't slept in like, three days," he said, and he got up.

"No, sure, go ahead, I won't leave, I promise," I said, and I gave him a small smile.

He smiled back at me and rushed out of the room.

Okay. That was weird. This was strange behavior, even for Sam. I was very curious about why he was acting this way, but I was going to let it go. Just for the moment.

With Sam here, my plans would be a hell of lot harder to do. Maybe I should just leave, go to another motel, and do it there. But I promised him I wouldn't leave… Dammit.

But on the other side, it wasn't like I have never broken a promise before. And I just couldn't do it with Sam here. If he got in here and saw me dead, I just couldn't do that to him.

So I was going to leave, again. I packed my stuff and got out of the motel room. I went to the reception desk and checked out, after which I exited the motel and went to my Harley. It was three in the afternoon. The sun shone brightly and it was hot outside, but with a nice breeze in the air. I got on my Harley and drove off, while a tear fell down my cheek. It was nice, seeing Sam again before I died, but man, it was going to hurt him much more than it would have done when he hadn't shown up here. I looked behind me once more, and I felt a stab of pain when I saw the Impala. That car will always remind me of Dean, his Baby. I looked ahead of me again and left the motel behind.

I didn't drive far, just to the next motel. I hid my Harley behind some bushes, just in case Sam would drive by here. I checked in, this time under a fake name, and went to my room. While driving, I had decided I was going to do it today. So no-one or nothing could stop me.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and took out my gun. I made sure there were bullets in it. I sighed and let the tears run down my face freely. I wished I could say, I'm going to be with Dean, but I couldn't. He was in hell, and I didn't think I was going to go there as well.

I brought the gun up to my temple, letting it touch with the skin of my forehead. Goodbye everyone.

Just as I was about to pull the trigger, a bright light filled my room. I lowered the gun, stunned. It was a beautiful light. It felt warm, and peaceful. It felt like it was somehow… _alive_. Like it was a living being. My suspicions were confirmed when it started to speak to me.

"Please, don't do this. You are needed. He will need you when he comes back," the voice said, sounding warm, but also desperate.

"I-I don't understand, who will need me?" I asked, confused.

"Dean, he's coming back from hell, I'm going to be the one to raise him from perdition," he said, and even though he's just some random light in my room, I felt like he was telling the truth and believed him.

"How?" I asked. I had searched for a way to bring him back for months, and now he says he can do it? I wanted to know how.

"I'm the only being that can pull him out, I have certain abilities that makes it possible."

"Then what are you?" I asked him.

"That will all be revealed later, Jayden. I don't have much time left. Don't take your life, please don't, you have a part to play in the future that Dean and Sam awaits. And I promise, things will get better, don't lose hope. I will help you feel better for now, and then I want you to go back to Sam," the voice said, and the light came closer to me.

"Wait, what's your name?"

He seemed to hesitate a bit, before answering, "Castiel."

And after that, the light surrounded me, engulfed me, and I felt better, peaceful and not so sad anymore.

"Thank you, Castiel," I said, after which the light vanished.


	2. Chapter 2: Could you check my pulse

**Welcome back! Thanks for still reading this story, it kinda means a lot to me, so really, thanks :)**

**So, this is the second chapter, let me know what you think of it!**

**Things might still seem a bit unclear, but I promise, everything will become clear eventually.**

**Let's get on with the story!**

**Oh, and the chapter titles are random titles/lyrics of songs, so they don't necessarily hold any connection with the chapter, though I try most of the time. Just saying to let you know :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Could you check my pulse for me, to see if I'm alive?<strong>

I got Harley out of the bushes after checking out of the motel, the man at the reception desk looking at me like I was crazy. It was understandable, I had only been there for what, ten minutes, before checking out again. Inwardly, I had to chuckle.

I felt much better than I did when I had entered the motel. I don't know what this Castiel had done with me, but man, I felt good. Really good. No longer sad, no longer tired, I didn't even feel hungry or thirsty. If I ever saw him again, I would definitely ask for a repeat.

It didn't take long for me to get back to the other motel. I checked myself back in in the same room, being lucky that it was still free. I had only been away for an hour, so I hoped Sam hadn't noticed I had been gone.

I had only been back in my room for about five minutes, when I heard some noise in the hallway, like people were fighting or something. I shrugged and ignored it, until I heard knocking on my door a minute later.

When I opened the door, I inhaled my breath sharply. And all I could do was stare, because the person who stood before me, was none other than Dean Winchester.

"Heya, Jay," he said softly, and though he didn't show it, I could tell he was just as emotional as I was.

"Dean!" I choked and then I threw my arms around him in a tight hug, which he returned. He buried his head in my long hair, holding me tight against him.

We hugged for what felt like hours, which in reality only had been minutes, but still didn't feel long enough, before we were pulled apart by a gruff voice saying, "This is making me really emotional, but ya think we could get, ya know, inside the room?"

I froze when I heard his voice and realized he was here, too. I let go of Dean, and stepped aside to let him, Sam and Bobby inside the room. After I had closed the door, I was pulled into another hug, by Bobby this time.

"Sweetheart, don't _ever_ do that again. I understand why ya had to go and all, but just don't do it again, I'm not sure I would survive it," he said, and his kind words made me feel even more guilty about the way I had left.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Bobby," I whispered.

His hand stroked my back. "I know, and it's okay, it really is."

I nodded. We held each other for a few more moments, before we let go. We turned around to Sam and Dean, who had been looking, almost staring at us. I was the only person you could ever find Bobby actually affectionate with, and it still surprised the boys.

Bobby had noticed them staring, too. "What are ya looking at, ya idjits?" he asked them, which made me chuckle and turn the boy's gazes away.

Dean looked at Sam. "So, tell me, what'd it cost?"

Sam smiled. "What, the girl? I don't pay, Dean."

I looked from Sam to Dean, confused. "What girl?" I asked.

Dean looked at me, his eyebrows raised. "Wait, Sammy here had a girl over, a few doors away from you, and you didn't know?"

I shook my head, my long auburn locks swinging around. Looking over at Sam, I saw he was avoiding my gaze, which made me frown. "What girl, Sam?"

"Nothing,- I mean, no one, she's just some random girl I met in the motel bar," he said and shifted uncomfortably, while chuckling a bit.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but dropped it when Dean started talking again.

"That's not funny Sam," he started, his harsh gaze focused on his brother. "To bring me back, what'd cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse?"

Sam's shocked expression flicked up to his brother. "You think I made a deal?"

Then Bobby spoke up. "That's exactly what we think."

"Well, I didn't."

"Don't lie to me!" Dean was so annoyed, he was almost yelling at this point.

"I'm not lying!" Sam cried out in exasperation.

"So what, now I'm off the hook and you're on, is that it? You're some demon's _bitch-boy_? I didn't want to be saved like this!" Dean said, slowly walking up to his brother.

Sam was getting angry himself and stood up. "Look, Dean, I wish I had done it, all right?"

I stood up as well, ready to intervene, when I saw Dean grab Sam by the front of his shirt. "There's no other way that this could have gone down. Now tell the truth!"

Sam broke free of his brother's grip and his face fell. His expression now sad and remorseful, he said, "I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. _For months_, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry."

Dean's anger faded away and grew soft as he regarded his baby brother's sorrowful expression. "It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you."

But then Dean turned to me, expression expectantly. I stared back at him, in confusion at first, until I realized why he was looking at me like that.

Shrugging, I said, "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't do it either."

I could tell from the way he looked at me, that he didn't really believe me. "If Sam didn't, and you didn't, then who could it have been?! No one! So fess up!"

My face grew hot from annoyance when I answered him. "Dammit Dean! There's nothing to confess. I didn't do it! I tried, believe me, I tried. But just like Sam, I didn't succeed in any attempts I did to get you out of Hell. I failed," I said, the last two words soft as my voice broke and tears welled up in my eyes.

In a flash of a second, Dean's arms were around me. "It's alright, Jay, I believe you. I'm sorry for yelling at you. Shhhh it's okay," he shushed me while I cried in his arms. Damn this was such an emotional day, which was kind of bad for me, since I didn't handle emotions very well.

After a few minutes, I was done crying and slowly released myself from my best friends embrace. "You okay?" he asked me.

I quickly wiped away my tears, gave him a small smile, which he returned, and nodded.

Bobby cleared his throat, causing us all to look at him. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that Sam's and Jayden's souls remain intact, but it does raise a sticky question."

We all immediately caught onto what he meant, and Dean was the one who asked the question we had all been thinking.

"If they didn't pull me out, then what did?"

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><p>We had moved to Sam's motel room, as he had beers in the fridge, which he passed out once we were all seated.<p>

I gladly took the beer, since my last one had been a few days ago. For the past couple of days, I had stuck mostly to a bottle of Jack. Maybe one bottle wasn't completely right, I thought. It could have easily been two bottles, or maybe even three bottles. I shrugged, placed the beer against my lips and took a large swig of the cold drink.

Dean, apparently having enough of the silence, spoke up. "So what were you two doing around here if you weren't digging me out of my grave?"

"After you uh, … died, I left Bobby's," I said, with a remorseful look in my adoptive father's way, which he answered with a small, but warm smile. "I took Harley and rode from town to town, motel to motel, looking for a way to bring you back. But I didn't found one." I paused, trying to find a way to explain the last part. "I've been here in this motel for about a week now, and it was here that I just sorta accepted you were gone," I said, my voice breaking a bit at the word 'gone'. Dean came to stand behind me, and rested his hand on my shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. I placed my hand on top of his and continued talking, knowing what I was going to say next would be a lie. "I was staying here for a while, to gather my thoughts, before I would go back to Bobby."

He smiled at me, glad to hear I would have returned to him, not knowing it was a lie. But hey, I couldn't tell them what I truly was planning on doing, now could I? That was something I never wanted them to know.

I felt the sensation of someone staring at me, which made me turn my gaze to Sam. He was staring at me with a blank expression, but with his lips slightly pursed. _Oh. Fuck._ I knew that face, that was Sam's 'I know you're lying'-face. Between Sam and Dean, Sam was the one who always could tell when I wasn't telling the truth. In my opinion, he knew me better than Dean and Bobby did. I didn't really know why, probably because the moose was just better at sensing stuff. The fact that Dean didn't do chick-flick moments with his brother, which caused Sam to come to me whenever he was troubled, probably helped too.

When he saw me looking at him, he raised his eyebrows as if he was silently asking me 'Are you gonna explain?' I just shook my head at him and looked away. I knew he was going to ask me about it later, he always does.

But I was glad when he turned his gaze away from me, distracted by Dean asking him, "And what about you, Sammy?"

"Well, once I figured out I couldn't save you, I started hunting down Lilith, trying to get some payback," he answered him.

"All by yourself. Who do you think you are, your old man?" Bobby asked him, a little mad at him for being so reckless.

At that point, I saw Dean walking around the room, his gaze fixated on something on the floor.

Meanwhile, Sam was apologizing to Bobby. "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called. I was pretty messed up."

Dean picked up the item he'd seen, and I was shocked to see it was a pink, floral bra. What the _hell_ had happened in that hour I was gone? It had only been one hour!

This time Sam was the one avoiding my gaze. He kept his head down, and a small blush crept over his face, when Dean said, "Oh yeah. I really feel your pain."

He looked up, and when he saw we were all staring at him, he quickly changed the subject. "Anyways, uh, I was checking these demons out in Tennessee, and out of nowhere they took a hard left, booked up here."

Dean, immediately interested, asked, "When?"

"Yesterday morning."

"When I busted out," Dean said, making connections.

I thought about what that Castiel dude had said to me earlier, '_I'm going to be the one to raise him from perdition_'. That sounded like he still was _going to be_ pulled out, not that he already _had been_ pulled out. Why would he lie about that? It had only been around two hours ago that he told me this. He could have easily said Dean was already out.

Bobby's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "You think these demons are here 'cause of you?" he asked Dean.

"But why?" I muttered.

"Well, I don't know," Dean said, turning his gaze on me. "Some badass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow."

"How you feelin', anyway?" Bobby asked him, his concerned gaze fixated on Dean.

"I'm a little hungry."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his response. Dean, ever the hungry one.

He heard my chuckle and looked my way. "It's not really something to laugh at, Jay," he said, but the corners of his lips twitched a bit, and I could see the glint of amusement in his green eyes.

Bobby, ignoring us, asked, "No, I mean, do you feel like yourself? Anything strange, or different-"

"-or demonic?" Dean interrupted him. "Bobby, how many times do I have to prove I'm me?"

"Yeah. Well, listen. No demon's letting you loose out of the goodness of their hearts. They've gotta have something nasty planned."

Dean shook his head a bit. "Well, I feel fine."

Bobby wanted to say something else, but Sam stopped their little discussion by saying, "Okay, look, we don't know what they're planning. We got a pile of questions and no shovel. We need help."

"I agree," I said. "We can't solve this on our own."

Bobby seemed to agree as well. "I know a psychic. A few hours from here. Something this big, maybe she's heard the other side talking."

Dean, just like me, thought it was a good idea. "Hell yeah, it's worth a shot."

"I'm gonna give her a call," Bobby answered, standing up. "I'll be right back."

When Bobby exited the door, Dean also stood up.

"Hey Dean, what was it like?" Sam asked him, and I immediately knew he was talking about hell.

"What, Hell? I don't know, I, I must have blacked it out. I don't remember a damn thing."

"Thank God for that," I muttered. If I went to hell, I definitely wouldn't want to remember it.

"Yeah," Dean said, softly, his gaze locked on mine.

* * *

><p>Dean and I were waiting outside of the motel. Sam was packing his stuff, and Bobby was still on the phone with the psychic. My hand was absentmindedly playing with Dean's amulet, like it had done a lot of times these past months.<p>

Dean noticed my hand moving, and when his gaze dropped to the amulet, he looked touched. He wrapped his hands over mine, and took the amulet out of my hands, holding it between his fingers.

"You kept it," he almost whispered, and he sounded surprised.

"Of course I kept it, I couldn't – wouldn't throw it away. Sam gave it to me, he wanted me to have it. After all, he had the Impala," I mumbled.

I looked up at from the amulet to his face, and saw that he was staring at me with an unreadable expression. We were standing really close to each other and I didn't really know how to feel about that.

I took a few steps back, which caused him to drop the amulet. A glint of, maybe hurt, flushed his eyes for a second, so quick I thought I had imagined it, at my sudden distance.

I reached back, throwing my hair out of the way and took off the necklace. "Here, it's yours again now," I said, holding it out for him to take.

When he didn't move, I took his hand and dropped it on his palm, closing his hand around it. My hand stayed upon his for a moment, until he placed his other hand over our hands.

I looked up at him in question, and saw him still staring at me with an intense gaze. "How have you been these past months?"

He didn't know about the self-harm, but I've always thought that he suspected that I often felt worse, a lot worse, than I let out. Also because he, like Sam, knew my entire backstory, and _knew_ I just couldn't get out of what I've been through without being damaged goods.

I swallowed thickly. "You can imagine it have been a couple of hard months for me, I haven't been doing so well, but I mostly kept my mind of thinking too much by riding Harley for hours straight until I couldn't go on any longer. Just me and the road," I said, and I could see his expression soften. He knew how much that meant to me.

"But I've managed to keep going," I finished. There was no way in _hell _I would tell him that I was going to kill myself.

"Good," he said, his gaze still fixated on me.

He still had his hand over mine, our gazes locked. Oh God, I've missed him so much, him and his sarcasm, his always-joking-attitude, and his pretty green eyes. Slowly tears were filling my eyes. He saw and sighed, "Oh, Jay. C'mere." He took me into his arms, for the third time that day. That was kind of a record, but hey, it has been a tough day, physically and emotionally.

He just held me in his arms, my arms pressed against his chest, his strong arms around me, one hand stroking my long hair. "It's okay, I got you, I'm here now," he muttered in my hair.

I nodded slightly. "Thanks for that," I mumbled, and he snorted.

"No problem, birdie," he said, and I relaxed when I heard him call me that, his personal nickname for me. He says I remind him of a bird, also because of my name 'Jay'.

The familiar feeling of hearing him call me that relaxed me enough to stop crying.

"You good?" he asked me, and after I nodded at him with a small smile, he let me go.

At that moment, our quiet bonding moment was interrupted by Bobby and Sam joining us. We started walking to the parking lot, ready to leave.

We were descending a staircase when Bobby spoke up. "She's about four hours down the Interstate. Try to keep up," he said, the last part directed at me, as I would be driving my Harley. As much as I'd loved to ride in the Impala with my best friends again, I couldn't just leave Harley here.

I smirked at him. "That won't be a problem, at all." He clearly has forgotten how well I can ride it.

"Oh, and Jay," Bobby started. "Please be careful." His voice was gruff, but I could tell he was actually genuinely worried.

I gave him a warm smile and nodded, before walking over to Harley. I put on my helmet and pulled on my leather jacket, since it was evening, and a little chilly outside.

When I saw Bobby drive off, I started Harley and followed him, and I was followed by Baby.

As always, my alone time on the road helped me to think clearly, and I _really _needed to think right now. About a certain… being, that had encountered me earlier this day. Castiel. I didn't really know what to think of him. He said he was going to pull Dean out of hell, while he had already been out at the time. He said he was the only being that could pull it off, but what was he then? What kind of creature was he? He had sounded warm, and the light had been very pleasant, but that didn't mean he wasn't an evil creature.

I hadn't told anyone about what had happened, because I really didn't want to explain why I had gone away, or why he had come to me. The reason of that was obvious to me, he didn't want me to kill myself. If I hadn't tried it, he wouldn't have come. And that was something I didn't want to talk about to Bobby, Sam or Dean.

But he did make me feel better. How evil could he be if he can do that? Gosh, I really didn't know. I hoped the psychic would give us some answers.

* * *

><p><strong>So, this was the second chapter, let me know what you think!<strong>

**Also, I wanted to ask you all a question. I'm not sure of the pairing yet, I really can't decide! So could you please, please, please help me out? Send me a PM or leave a review and tell me with who you would love to see Jay end up with. I would really love you if you do! (not that I don't love you now)**

**Bye, see you next time! :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Fly me up on a silver wing

**Hello dear readers! Welcome to the third chapter, I hope you enjoyed the previous one.**

**I want to thank everyone who reads, reviews, follows or favorites this story, you are all amazing and I will give you a proper shout-out at the bottom of this chapter :)**

**And I have made up my mind about the pairing! It's gonna be Castiel/OC story, but there'll be some other… stirrings. You'll see later on what I mean.**

**Now, there's something I need to do which I forgot to do the two previous chapters, the disclaimer… Oops. **

**Well anyways, here we go.**

**Disclaimer: I do no own Supernatural or its characters, if I did, I would keep them locked up in my bedroom and you would never see them again… Muahahahah… No but seriously, I only own my OC Jayden Singer and any other things you don't recognize from the series.**

**Now, let's get on with the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: Fly me up on a silver wing<strong>

"You know I know you were lying, right?"

Startled by the sound of Sam's voice, I quickly turned around to face him, almost dropping my water bottle in the process. I had been standing next to Harley, drinking from the bottle I had bought in the little shop of the gas station we were currently taking a short break at. Sam had crept up behind me without me noticing.

"Jesus Sammy! Don't scare me like that," I hissed at him.

Unfazed by my way of responding, he ignored what I had said. "Why were you lying?"

I sighed, and looked away, at the small building to the right of us, where Bobby and Dean were. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know _exactly _what I'm talking about. You were lying about… _something_. Something you don't want us to know about. Just like you're lying to me right now," Sam said, and I could tell he was getting annoyed.

I didn't respond, just kept looking away from him. After a few moments, I heard him sigh and walk up to me, stopping when he stood right next to me. He nudged my shoulder with his, which caused me to look up at him.

"You know you can tell us everything, right?"

I nodded at his question. "I know, and I'm sorry Sammy, but this is just something I have to keep to myself."

He smiled softly at me. "If that's what you want, fine. Just remember that I'm always here if you want to talk, kay? I have to repay you for all the times you were there for me when I wasn't doing too well _somehow_," he said, a smirk playing on his lips while he said the last part.

I chuckled. "I know, thanks ya big moose."

We both grinned and then smiled at each other in understanding, until Bobby and Dean returned and we left the small gas station to continue our traveling to the psychic.

* * *

><p>When we finally arrived at her house, it had already turned day. The journey took longer than Bobby had expected, because of some traffic issues, and we were all exhausted.<p>

We climbed the steps to the psychic's porch and Bobby knocked on the door, only to have it opened barely two seconds later. A woman in her early thirties, maybe late twenties with curly black hair stood on the other side.

"Bobby!" the woman exclaimed happily, and she pulled him into a tight hug, even lifting him up from the ground a few inches. Sam, Dean and I shared a look. Damn, that woman was strong if she could lift _Bobby _up.

The woman let him go and looked Sam and Dean up and down appraisingly. "So, these are the boys?" she asked. "And girl?" she added, with a small but warm smile when she noticed me.

"Sam, Dean, Jayden, this is Pamela Barnes, best damn psychic in the state," Bobby introduced us to each other.

"Hey," Dean greeted the woman, in a flirting way, of course. I rolled my eyes.

"Hi," Sam said, feeling a little awkward.

I gave the her a small smile and said, "Hello."

Her gaze then turned to Dean. "Dean Winchester. Out of the fire and back in the frying pan, huh? Makes you a rare individual."

Dean looked a little uncomfortable. "If you say so."

She gave him a little, knowing smile, before she ushered us to come in side. I got inside last and she closed the door behind me.

"So, did you hear anything?" Bobby asked the psychic.

"Well, I Ouija'd my way through a dozen spirits," Pamela answered. "No one seems to know who broke your boy out, or why."

"So what's next?" Bobby asked her.

"A séance, I think. See if we can see who did the deed," she answered him, and I felt a shiver go down my spine. I do not like séances. Like, _at all_.

Bobby apparently shared in my uneasiness, because the next thing he asked the psychic was, "You're not gonna... summon the damn thing here, are you?"

"No. I just want to get a sneak peek at it," she assured us. "Like a crystal ball without the crystal."

"I'm game," Dean stated, and after that we all were.

She went ahead and guided us to a dark room, where she spread a black tablecloth with all sorts of symbols out on a round table.

I regarded it with an uneasy feeling in my stomach, like something bad was going to happen. Though I always get that feeling around séances. Not that I've ever participated in one, but still. We should leave the other side alone, that way they won't hurt us. But that's only my opinion.

I see some movement from the corner of my eye, and when I turn my head, I see Pamela crouching in front of a cabinet, and Dean smirking at the tattoo on her lower back. _Jesse forever, _it read.

"Who's Jesse?" Dean asked her, still smirking.

The question made the woman laugh. "Well, it wasn't forever."

"Hiss loss," Dean said, flirting with the psychic.

Pamela stood up, holding several candles in her hands and stopped in front of Dean with a smirk on her face. "Might be your gain," she said, also flirting.

As she passed by, Dean turned to Sam and said, "Dude, I am so in."

I rolled my eyes. "Dean, have you looked at her?"

Sam, picking up on what I had said, snorted and said, "Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive."

Dean playfully glared at the two of us. "Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it."

Pamela passed by again, and winked at Sam, "You're invited too, grumpy."

Now Dean was full on glaring at Sam, "You are _not _invited."

I laughed at the situation, which made them turn their glares at me.

Suddenly I felt a finger tap my shoulder. I turned around and looked right into the psychic's eyes. "You think that's funny sweatheart?" she asked me with a smirk on her face. I softly nodded my head, still grinning. "Well, in that case," she started. "You're welcome too."

My face fell and a disbelieving, shocked expression was readable on my face, and my cheeks were burning.

Now it was the boy's turn to laugh at me. Sam walked over to the table, while Dean playfully grabbed my waist and whispered in my ears, "In contrary to Sam, you _are _invited."

My cheeks were burning even more, and I swatted his hands away. "Dean, eww, I don't want to see you do stuff with her."

He smirked smugly at me and said, "So you don't want to see me and her, but you're okay with doing it with me?"

My mouth fell open in disbelief. "No! That's not what I said! You –"

"Relax, Jay," he interrupted me. "I was just kidding. Don't get your knickers in a twist."

He smirked at me once more and walked over to the table too, patting me on the shoulder as he passed me.

I calmed my burning cheeks before also going to the table, where six candles stood, lit up. I sat down in-between Sam and Dean. Bobby was already seated next to Sam, and when Pamela sat down, we were ready to begin.

"Right, take each other's hands," she commanded us, and we did what we were told. Dean, sensing my nervousness, squeezed my hand, and I gave him a grateful smile.

"And I need something our mystery monster touched," the psychic said, turning her gaze to Dean.

I saw her leaning forward a bit, and suddenly Dean jumped. "Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me _there_."

I smirked at Dean's unease.

"My mistake," the woman apologized half-heartily.

Dean looked around, nervously, before dropping my hand. He took of his outer shirt and rolled up the sleeve of his T-shirt. I gasped at what I saw and I vaguely noticed Sam doing the same. On Dean's shoulder, a large handprint was to be seen, and it looked like it was a burn wound.

Sam and I looked at each other, startled, and concerned for our best friend and brother.

Pamela laid her hand upon the brand and took a deep breath. Dean took my hand again, and this time I gave his hand a little squeeze.

"Okay," she breathed, and we all closed our eyes.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle," she started to chant.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle. I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."

A television switched on, showing only static, and I started to feel _really _uneasy.

"I invoke, conjure, and command-" she continued, until she suddenly paused. "Castiel? No. Sorry, Castiel, I don't scare easy."

Castiel? Did she just say 'Castiel'?

"Castiel?" Dean asked, voicing my thoughts.

"Its name. It's whispering to me, warning me to turn back," Pamela said, before continuing the chanting, while the TV kept showing static and making white noise, and the table started shaking too, and I closed my eyes in fear, tightly gripping Sam and Dean's hands.

"I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face," she chanted.

The white noise and rattling became more and more violent, and Bobby started to feel unsure about the séance. "Maybe we should stop," he suggested. I opened my eyes and sharply nodded my head.

But Pamela wouldn't hear it. "I almost got it," she consisted. "I command you, show me your face!" she yelled. "Show me your face now!"

Suddenly the candles flared up a few feet in the air and Pamela screamed. Her eyes flew wide open and a white-hot flame filled them. She collapsed and the rattling, shaking and white noises die out.

Bobby caught her before she could hit her head and gently lowered her to the ground while commanding us, "Call 911!"

Sam scrambled out of his chair and ran into the next room, where he called the ambulance. Dean and I crouched over Pamela and Bobby on the floor. She was unconscious, but she was bleeding, looked burned. Her eyelids flew open, and the sight made me scramble back.

Her eye sockets were black. Empty. Castiel burned her eyes out.

"I can't see! I can't see! Oh god!" she sobbed, and I felt bad for her.

My unease about the séance from the start on proved to be founded. This is why we shouldn't have done it.

I sighed. Castiel, what are you?

* * *

><p>Sam and Dean were at a diner, getting something to eat. I didn't have to guess to know that Dean would be getting pie. They asked if I wanted to come along, but I didn't feel all that hungry, so I went with Bobby to the hospital. I rode Harley there and I joined Bobby, who was waiting for me on the parking lot.<p>

We went inside and asked the lady at the reception desk where we could find Pamela. The psychic was still in the OR, so we were directed to a waiting room, where we would be informed of her condition as soon as possible.

We sat down in the ugly, uncomfortable orange seats. We didn't talk at first, both lost in thoughts.

One thing had been confirmed during the séance. At least, to me. Castiel was indeed the one to pull Dean out of hell. I still wondered why he didn't just tell me Dean was already out, but it bothered me less and less. He probably had his reasons.

But I still wondered what he was. I mentally listed the things I knew about him.

1. His name is Castiel.

2. He appeared before me as a warm, bright light with a warm voice.

3. He didn't want me to kill myself.

4. He made me feel better.

These things were still pretty positive, but there were also less positive things.

5. He lied about Dean already being out.

6. He left a brand on Dean's shoulder.

7. He burned out Pamela's eyes.

As I thought about it, I noticed something. All the positive things were directed at me, while the negative things were always centered about someone else. Lying _about _Dean, _Dean's _shoulder, _Pamela's _eyes. He never did anything wrong to me, in the contrary. If anything, he helped me.

These facts made me very conflicted about him. Was he good or evil?

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a nurse came up to us. "Are you Pamela's friends?"

Bobby and I both nodded our heads. "Yes Ma'am."

"Please come with me," she said before taking off and us following her. She led us through many hallways, before we stopped at a room. We could see Pamela through the window, laying on the bed, sleeping.

I turned to the nurse. "How is she?" I asked her.

"She's stable, but her eyes are lost, she'll never be able to see again," the nurse said, with a sympathetic glance at our psychic.

I swallowed and turned my gaze back to Pamela. Poor woman.

"Can we go in?" I heard Bobby ask the nurse.

"I'm sorry Sir, but she's not allowed to have visitors at the moment," the nurse answered him.

Bobby nodded his head, but didn't respond.

"Sir, if you could come with me please, there are some papers that need to be filled in," the nurse asked him. My adoptive father mumbled a consent and followed her, while I remained where I stood, watching Pamela.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. If we hadn't gone to her, she wouldn't be blind for the rest of her life.

I sighed and took out my phone. I dialed Sam's number.

"_Hello?"_

"Heya Sammy, it's me," I said.

"_Oh hey Jay," _he greeted me. _"You still with Pamela?"_

"Yeah, a nurse just filled us in on her condition."

"_And? How is she doing?"_

I sighed. "She's stable. But she's blind, she won't be able to see anything else for the rest of her life."

I heard him sigh over the phone. _"Crap. Okay, so what do we do now?"_

Turning my gaze away from the window, I saw Bobby walking towards me down the hallway.

"I don't know Sammy, we'll talk about it later, okay? I gotta go."

"_Yeah sure. Bye Jay," _he said and he hung up the phone, me doing the same.

I looked at Bobby as he joined me again. "What did they want?"

He shrugged. "They wanted me to sign some papers, but they also wanted to know what exactly happened to her," he said with a pointed look.

"What did you tell them?" I asked him, curiously.

"That we weren't in the room when it happened, that we have no idea," he answered me and I agreed with him.

"It's better to say you don't know squat than making up stuff," I said, nodding my head.

We stayed at the hospital for a while longer, but when it was turning dark outside, we decided to head back to the motel, knowing there was nothing we could do for Pamela.

When we entered the hallway where our rooms were, we heard Dean screaming and we ran off in his direction.

Bobby threw open the door and I was amazed. There was glass falling from the ceiling, the TV was showing static and the radio was on, but I didn't hear any of those noises.

Before me, in one corner of the room, was the bright light I had seen. Castiel. I heard him talking, too. "Dean, please listen to me…"he said, over and over again, but it was pretty clear Dean didn't hear, or saw him. He was running out of the room, Bobby pulling him with him.

I didn't follow them. The light had come closer to me, and I was again mesmerized by the warm feeling it gave me. He started talking to me, too.

"Jayden, make sure Dean-" he started, but I didn't hear it entirely because Bobby was pulling me away with him.

"Jay! What the hell are you doing?! Come on! We have to get outta here!" he yelled at me.

While he pulled me along, I kept glancing over my shoulder, back at the room, where the light was in the doorway, as if he was watching me leave.

* * *

><p>We drove off in Bobby's car. I hated it to leave Harley there, but Bobby promised me we'd go back. Also for our clothes and all that, so I felt a little bit assured. Just a little bit. I hated being separated from that bike. He had been in Bobby's salvage yard and I had, with some help of Bobby, fixed him up until he was as shiny and ride-able again as when he was made. I hoped nothing would happen to him.<p>

Bobby's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"How you doin' kid?" he asked Dean, who was wiping blood from his face.

"Aside from the church bells ringing in my head, peachy," he said and he pulled out his phone.

"Hey Dean," I started, and he paused what he was doing to look at me. "Where's Sam? He wasn't in the motel room, right?" I asked him from my spot in the backseat.

"That's what I'm going to find out right now," he muttered and he dialed what I assumed was Sam's number.

He picked up, and Dean listened to his greeting before asking him, "What are you doing?"

I saw Dean raise his eyebrows at Sam's response. "In my car?"

He paused to listen at his brother's response, before answering, "Well, uh, Bobby and Jay are back. We're going to grab a beer."

Bobby and I sent him a questioning look, at which he held up his finger at us, signaling us to wait and say nothing about it.

"Done, catch you later," Dean said and he hung up his phone.

"Why the hell didn't you tell him what happened?" Bobby asked him.

"Because he just tried to stop us," he said, as if that was obvious.

"What are we doing then?" I asked him curiously.

Dean glanced at me before turning back to Bobby and answering, "Summoning this thing."

I looked at him in shock. "We're going to summon Castiel?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's time we faced it head-on."

"You can't be serious!" Bobby exclaimed.

"As a heart attack. It's high noon, baby."

"Well, we don't know what it is. It could be a demon, it could be anything," Bobby said and I nodded my head in agreement.

"He's right Dean, this could be super dangerous."

"That's why we've got to be ready for anything," Dean said, and he pulled out a rather big knife.

"Is that Ruby's knife?" I asked him, as I've never seen it before, only heard of it.

"Yeah, that's right baby," he said, and I rolled my eyes at the 'baby'.

"We've got the big-time magic knife, you've got an arsenal in the trunk..." he continued.

Bobby still wasn't okay with it. "This is a bad idea."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, I couldn't agree more, but what other choice do we have?"

"We could choose life," Bobby said with a pointed look.

"Yeah," I said. "We could just go for an ice cream, I really feel like eating chocolate ice cream right now."

Dean glared at me, but ignored what I said. "Bobby, Jay, whatever this is, whatever it wants, it's after me. That much we know, right? I've got no place to hide. I can either get caught with my pants down again, or we can make our stand."

"I kinda agree with him, Bobby," I said.

Bobby sighed. "We could use Sam on this."

Dean shrugged it off. "Nah. He's better off where is."

The conversation fell silent after that, and we were all lost in our thoughts. I absentmindedly scratched my arms. The cuts were healing and they were itching like crazy. They have been all day actually, but I watched out for doing it when they could see it. Here in the dark car, they wouldn't notice.

We drove to an abandoned warehouse, shed-like building. Bobby sprayed all sorts of symbols and sigils he could find in his books on the walls, and I helped him. We only stopped when all the walls, the floor and the ceiling were full of them.

When we were done, we stood up.

"That's a hell of an art project you've got going there," Dean told us.

"Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?" Bobby asked him. Dean stood by a table full of equipment.

"Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of," Dean replied, and he almost sounded eager.

Bobby heard it too. "This is still a bad idea."

"Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times," Dean said.

I nudged Bobby's shoulder with mine. "It's going to be okay."

Dean nodded at us. "What do you say we ring the dinner bell?"

Bobby nodded, a bit reluctant, but went over to another desk took a pinch of some powder from a bowl and sprinkled it in a larger bowl, which began to smoke. While doing this, he was chanting in Latin.

After about half an hour after Bobby was done with the summoning spell, Dean asked him, "You sure you did the ritual right?"

Bobby gave him a look, and I joined him. Bobby never did a ritual wrong, even I knew that.

"Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?"

Suddenly, a loud rattling shook the roof. We armed ourselves with shotguns and positioned ourselves at the far end of the building.

Dean, ever the sarcastic one, said "Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind."

I snorted at that. Yeah right.

The door burst open, the lightbulbs shattered and sparks flew off them while a man in a trench coat, business suit and blue tie walked over to us.

As he approached us, Dean and Bobby opened fire, but I just stood there, frozen, unable to move. Wait, I could move, but I didn't want to. For one reason or another, I didn't want to shoot him.

The fact that I was the only one not shooting him, made him glance over at me, and our gazes locked. A shiver ran over my spine when my dark brown eyes met his piercing blue ones.

"Jay! What are you doing?! Shoot him, you have the rock salt!" Dean's voice brought me back to reality and I reluctantly turned my gaze away from the beautiful eyes of the man who was still approaching us.

The man turned his gaze away too and walked over to Dean. I still didn't shoot. I still couldn't shoot. I couldn't explain it, I just really didn't want to shoot him.

The man came to stop in front of Dean, who glared furiously at him. "Who are you?!" He snapped at the blue-eyed man.

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," the man answered my best friend and another shiver ran down my spine at the sound of his voice. It sounded familiar, but it didn't at the same time. I knew this was Castiel though. He just literally said he pulled Dean out of hell, so yeah. This was Castiel.

"Yeah. Thanks for that," Dean bit at him, and lunged forward, the demon-knife in his hand. He plunged it into Castiel's chest. Castiel looked down, pulled it out and dropped it on the ground. He was fine, the demon-knife didn't hurt him. That means he's not a demon, right?

Behind him, I saw Bobby lifting a pipe to hit Castiel with, but without even looking behind him, he grabbed the pipe and used it to swing him around. Castiel raised two fingers and pressed them to Bobby's forehead, after which my adoptive father fell to the ground.

"Bobby!" I yelled and ran up to him. I shook him, trying to wake him up.

"We need to talk Dean," I heard Castiel say. "Alone."

I looked up to see his gaze fixated on me, and he walked a few steps in my direction. Realizing at the same time as me what he meant by that and what he was going to do, Dean quickly came to step in front of me.

"Don't you _dare _lay one finger on her," he snapped at the blue-eyed man in front of him. "Whatever you have to say, she can hear it, I tell her everything anyways."

"Really? Everything?" Castiel asked him, and from my position I saw him narrow his eyes at Dean as if he were suspicious of him not telling the truth.

Castiel took a few steps back, and walked over to the table where all off Bobby's books were. He flipped through a few of them, curious.

Dean sighed, frustrated, turned around and crouched over Bobby, together with me. I softly tapped my adoptive father's cheeks while Dean checked his pulse.

"Your friend's alive," we heard Castiel say.

Dean stood back up again. "Who are you?" he asked the man again.

"Castiel," he answered, while still flipping through the books.

Wait, if the light I saw earlier was Castiel, but this was Castiel too, how was that possible?

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I figured that much, I mean _what_ are you?"

Then Castiel turned his gaze to me, his blue eyes piercing into mine, while answering, "I'm an angel of the Lord."

And then everything made sense to me. _Of course_ he was an angel. I didn't think of it earlier, because I didn't think they existed. But now, I actually believed him right away. I mean, what else could he be? None of the traps and sigils did anything to him.

Wow. An angel. I stared at him in awe.

Dean, unlike me, didn't believe him. "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing."

Castiel turned his gaze away from me and turned it to Dean. "This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith."

Dean glared at him, but before he could say anything, lightning flashed, and on the wall behind Castiel appeared two huge shadows of wings, stretching out in the distance.

Dean was still a little skeptical. "Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes."

The angel seemed a little uncomfortable about that. "I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that."

"You mean the gas station and the motel, that was you talking?" Dean asked, catching on, and Castiel nodded. "Buddy, next time, lower the volume."

"That was my mistake. Certain people, special people," the angel said, pausing to lock our gazes again, "can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong."

Dean, who didn't see our locked gazes, asked him, "And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?"

Castiel turned his gaze to Dean again. "This?" he asked, while pointing at his body. "This is… a vessel."

"You're possessing some poor bastard?" Dean said, bitter.

"It actually makes sense to me," I said, speaking up for the first time since Castiel had entered the building.

The gazes of both men turned to me, Castiel with an unreadable expression, and Dean with a questioning gaze, which also seemed to say 'really? Now?'.

I shrugged. "Demons need a body too. I'm just saying it makes sense."

Castiel nodded, looking at Dean once again. "He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this."

"Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?" Dean asked him, still not believing, and I sighed.

Castiel frowned, not understanding, "I told you."

"Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?" Dean replied. My heart kind of broke when he sad that. He didn't think he deserved it to be saved, I could tell. I knew him, he was my best friend. To know he thought as little of himself as I thought of _my_self, made me really sad.

"Good things do happen, Dean," Castiel said and glanced in my way, slightly furrowing his brow when he regarded my sad expression.

"Not in my experience," Dean bit and I had to turn my gaze away from the conversation happening in front of me. I looked at Bobby instead.

"What's the matter?" I heard Castiel mutter. "You don't think you deserve to be saved?"

It surprised me to hear that the angel caught onto that.

"Why'd you do it?" Dean just asked him, not responding to his question.

"Because God commanded it," Castiel said, and the determination in his voice made me look up again, and I saw the angel watching Dean with an intense expression. "Because we have work for you."

After that, the angel just disappeared, right in front of our eyes, and I could hear the soft sound of fluttering wings.

I widened my eyes and looked around the building. "Where did he go?"

Dean grunted. "I don't know, and I don't care."

Then he turned his gaze to me and Bobby, still on the floor. "How is he?" he asked me.

As if on cue, Bobby groaned and his eyes shot open. "I'm fine," he responded.

He tried to get up, and Dean and I helped him.

"Let's get out of here," Dean said, having enough of this building.

We collected our stuff and went back to the car. On the way back to the motel to pick up Sam and our bags, Dean explained everything that had happened to Bobby.

I tuned out, lost in my own thoughts.

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><p><strong>Wow, this is the longest chapter I've ever written for a fanfiction. In Word, this is 15 pages long!<strong>

**So, let me know what you guys think, I'm dying to hear from you!**

**Also, I'm sorry if the pairing isn't what you had hoped, but this is my story and I decide what to do with it. And I just always get weak in the knees when the angel in a trench coat is present :)**

**Shout-outs:**

**Favorites: **Arienne Crye, Kuro Rotasu, ToxicArt123, VALover3, Wayward-Son123, WelshGreen9

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**Replies to reviews:**

**EverythingsLove: **Thanks for your review sis ;)

**sunshine1984:** Thanks for reviewing and for your support! It might seem that way because I try to give Jay bonding moments with all of them. But I've decided what the pairing will be, so I hope there won't be any misunderstandings now.

**Anon:** Thanks for reviewing, and I'm sorry this won't have the pairing you wanted. I hope you'll still read it though? :)

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**Song from the title: Linkin Park – Castle of glass**

**Bye, see you next time! (I hope)**

**-Nele**


	4. Chapter 4: I am the ocean

**Hello again! Thanks again for still reading this story, I'm glad to see so many people like it already! So thanks for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing! Shout-outs and replies to reviews will be at the bottom of this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or its characters, if I did, I would keep them locked up in my bedroom and you would never see them again… Muahahahah… No but seriously, I only own my OC Jayden Singer and any other things you don't recognize from the series.**

**Now let's get on with the story!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: I am the ocean, I am the sea, there is a world inside of me.<strong>

When we arrived back at the motel, Sam had arrived there as well. We grabbed our bags and drove off to Bobby's. I rode Harley, glad to see nothing had happened with him. Bobby didn't really want me to drive him, because I was exhausted and he was scared I would get in an accident. But we were all exhausted, and I wasn't leaving Harley there for a second time. Nope. Not happening.

We arrived at Bobby Singer's Salvage yard after a long ride, and it wasn't until I stood in front of the house that I realized how much I had missed the place.

"Welcome home," Bobby said, smiling, happy to have me back home.

I answered his smile with one of my own and entered the house. I looked around and saw that everything was just how I left it. Books everywhere and their scent lingering around the house, mixed with the scent of Bobby's aftershave. I walked up the stairs to my own room, and dropped my bags on my queen sized bed.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I collected the stuff I needed to take a shower, and quickly ran to the bathroom, locking it behind me. A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door.

"Jay, come on, I want to take a shower, too," I heard Dean's voice through the door.

I chuckled and answered him, "Wait for your turn!"

I heard him groan, but then his footsteps walked away from the door. I smirked, and undressed myself. Once I was naked, I looked at myself in the mirror. Wow, how long hadn't I slept? The bags underneath my eyes were even worse than they were before Dean returned. Probably three or four days without sleeping, I guessed.

Wait a minute.

Dean got out the 18th… I counted the days in my head. If today is the 21st, then…

Tomorrow is my birthday. 22nd of September. Oh, the joy.

I never really liked birthdays. That's still a remainder of my childhood. I shivered and repressed the memories, I didn't want to think about _him _right now.

I got in the shower and washed myself, enjoying the way the hot water relaxed my muscles. When I got out, I quickly dried myself and got dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black off-the-shoulder sweater. I combed my tangled auburn hair and stared at the familiar stranger in the mirror.

I might not enjoy birthdays, but I still wondered if they'd remember. With Dean returning and all.

Another knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. This time, it was Sam's voice I could hear through the bathroom door.

"Hey Jay, you nearly done?"

"Yup, just a second," I replied and I quickly finished combing my hair. When I was done, I exited the bathroom, allowing Sam to walk in.

"Thanks," he said, and he smirked, knowing he would have the bathroom before Dean would have it.

I smirked back at him. "Enjoy, ya big moose."

He playfully glared at me and closed the door.

I walked over to my room and braided my long hair. Then I collected my dirty clothes of all those months of traveling and went downstairs to do the laundry. When I got to the basement, my eyes widened at the sight. A huge, metal room, in one corner of our basement. What the _hell_?

I walked over to the door and glanced inside. A smile crept over my face when I realized what this was. A ghost-proof panic room. Good job, Bobby.

I turned to actually go and do the laundry, but I dropped the clothes I was holding at the sudden sight of the angel in the trench coat, who was standing a few feet behind me.

"Cas! Don't creep up to people like that!" I breathed, crouching to pick up the fallen laundry.

"I am sorry I startled you," he said, but it sounded more like a question, as if he were not sure if that was the right thing to say, or maybe he was just plain confused.

I looked up at him and nodded, letting him know it was okay.

Then, his brow furrowed slightly. "Why did you call me… 'Cas'? My name is Castiel."

I snorted. "I know what your name is. 'Cas' is the shorter version, like a nickname."

When I saw he was still frowning, I sighed, and tried to explain it some more. "For example, my name is Jayden, but people who know me, and like me, call me 'Jay'."

"Why?" he asked me, curiously.

"Because they're fond of me, and they do it to express that, I guess," I said, shrugging.

He tilted his head. "So, if I understand correctly, if you call me 'Cas', that means you are fond of me?" he asked me, his beautiful, but oh so confused blue eyes piercing into my dark brown ones.

I chuckled at his expression. "Well, I certainly don't have anything against you," I said, standing up. I walked over to the laundry machine, and glanced at him over my shoulder. He was still standing there with a confused expression on his face. I rolled my eyes.

"If you prefer I call you Castiel, just say it, and you'll never hear me calling you 'Cas' again," I said, pushing the clothes into the machine.

"No!" he immediately said, and I turned my head to look at him, my eyebrows raised. "No, no- I mean, 'Cas' is fine. I'm just… not used to it," he said, a bit awkwardly and uncomfortable.

I turned back to the task I was doing. "Okay then," I half-sighed. "So, tell me, _Cas_, is there a reason you decided to pop up in my basement?"

"Yes," he said, his voice going all serious again. "We need to talk."

I closed the door to the machine and pressed the 'on'-button. Standing up straight again, I turned to him, and leaned against the buzzing machine behind me. "About what?" I asked him curiously.

"About your mother," he replied, and I felt myself freeze.

"What about her?" I asked him stiffly.

He was just about to answer me, when we heard Dean shouting through the house, "Jay? Where are you?"

I looked from the staircase back at Castiel. He looked a bit annoyed, to be honest. "I can only tell you this when we're alone," he said, and I was right, I could hear irritation in his voice. "I'll come back later," he said, and then he was gone, leaving only the sound of fluttering wings.

"Jay? Jay!" I heard Dean yell, again.

I sighed. "I'm down here," I yelled back at him, and walked over to the stairs. I climbed the steps, and when I got at the top, I was greeted by Dean's furious face.

"What's up?" I asked him, a little bit concerned.

"What's up? _What's up?!_" he said, extremely pissed off. "Can you explain to me why _Sam _is in the shower right now?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "I'm glad you think this is funny," he said, sarcastically.

I calmed down a bit, enough to answer him, "I'm sorry, Dean. He was just right at the door when I was done."

He sighed and muttered, "I'm gonna kill that sneaky bitch."

I chuckled and patted him on the shoulder. "I'd like to see you try, big boy," I taunted him, and tried to walk by him, into the house, but I was stopped by an arm around my waist.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked, playfully glaring at me.

"To the kitchen? I'm starving," I said innocently.

"No, no, no," he said. "You didn't receive your punishment yet."

"What punishment?" I asked him, a hint of legit fear in my voice. _Another_ remainder of my childhood. Though I knew Dean would never hurt me, and I repressed the memory.

A sly smile crept over his face. "This," he said, and he started tickling me at my sides.

I laughed hysterically and tried to get away from him. He knew _damn well_ what my ticklish areas were. I ran off, and he chased me through the house.

On my way to the kitchen, I almost ran into Bobby. I hid behind him, and demanded, "Make him stop!"

Meanwhile, Dean sauntered into the room, a smug smile on his lips.

Bobby smirked. "Sorry kiddo, not getting involved in this."

I glared at my adoptive father and gasped, "Traitor!", and ran off to the kitchen.

I climbed upon a cupboard, and when Dean entered I yelled at him, "I surrender! I surrender! I'm sorry! Just stop it!"

He chuckled, but nodded his head. "Okay, I think you had enough now."

I sharply nodded my head, catching my breath.

He smirked at me once more and left the room. I climbed off of the cupboard, walked over to the fridge and grabbed some butter, cheese and ham to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich.

After I had eaten, I went back upstairs just in time to witness Sam coming out of the bathroom, while Dean was glaring at him with a murderous look, and again, I had to laugh, though I tried to choke it back this time, not wanting to get tickled again.

Dean entered the bathroom and slammed the door shut hardly. When Sam passed me, he smirked and held up his hand to give me a high-five. I grinned and slapped my hand against his.

He went downstairs while I went inside of my room, wanting to take a nap. I crawled beneath the sheets, soon falling into the most peaceful sleep I had had in months.

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><p>The twilight outside of my window had turned into the light of a lazy September morning when I opened my eyes again, indicating I had slept longer than I had intended to do. Yawning, I stretched myself out in similar way to how a cat does it. I got up and went downstairs, the scent of bacon, toast and pancakes drifting into my nostrils. My stomach growled and I fastened my pace going down the stairs.<p>

In the kitchen, I found Bobby baking some Bacon in a pan on the stove, next to a plate already filled with the delicious meat. In front of the toaster stood a plate with toast, while there were still some loafs of bread in the toaster itself. On the small table stood another plate, this one filled with pancakes. All of it smelled and looked heavenly.

Bobby glanced over his shoulder, and when he saw me standing there, he smiled and called out, "Mornin' sweetheart."

"Good morning," I answered, a little dazed because of all the food.

"Grab a seat," he said, instructing me to sit down, while he put the bacon he was baking on the plate with the rest and put it down in front of me. Then he grabbed the toast as it just popped out of the toaster and put that plate down on the table as well. After that, he took the seat opposite of mine.

"Um… Bobby?" I asked, causing him to look up at me. "It's not that I don't appreciate… all this," I said, waving my hands at the delicious breakfast. "But why did you do it? You never used to cook breakfast, I usually did."

He sighed. "I'm just glad you're home, and I wanted to do something special for the occasion," he said, and I sent him a soft smile. But before I could say anything, he spoke up again.

"And also," he said, reaching into his pocket, "Because it's the 22nd of September." He pulled out a small red box, a red ribbon wrapped around it. He handed it to me and smiled brightly at me. "Happy birthday."

I smiled back at him. "You remembered," I said softly.

"Of course I remembered, silly," he replied, and I chuckled a bit. "Well? Go ahead, open up."

I nodded my head and looked down at the small present in my hand. I untied the ribbon, lifted the lid of the box, and gasped at the beautiful piece of jewelry. My head snapped back up to look at my adoptive father. "Bobby… you shouldn't have done this, this costs a lot, I know it does!"

He just grinned at my statement. "Like I said, I'm glad you're back home."

Warmth filled my body, and I stood up to give him a tight hug, which he gladly returned. "Thank you," I whispered. "I love it."

"I knew ya would," he grinned, and let go of me. I sat back down on my chair, and lifted the necklace out of the small box.

It was a silver necklace mixed with white crystals. I knew this necklace well, as I have wanted it ever since I saw the Lord of the rings. It was Arwen's necklace **(A/N: look at my profile for a picture).** I've always found it so terribly stunning, and I had looked for it, but when I had finally found it, it had been too expensive. Fan merchandise is always expensive.

I put it on, and loved the way the smooth silver felt upon my skin. Bobby smiled at me widely, glad he could make me happy on my birthday. After all, he knew why I didn't like them.

He nodded his head at the food in front of us. "Well, let's eat, I don't like my food cold," he said, and I eagerly nodded, diving into the stack of pancakes, grabbing three at once.

We ate in comfortable silence, both just enjoying the food. At least, we were, until we heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Dean entered, sniffing his nose.

"Do I smell pancakes," he sniffed, "and bacon?"

Bobby smirked. "Sit down, there's enough left."

He happily accepted the offer and took the seat beside mine. He stashed his plate full with bacon, pancakes and toast, and dove in like some kind of animal that hadn't eaten in two weeks.

I stared at him, wrinkling my nose. He looked up at me when he noticed me staring. "What?" he asked.

I chuckled humorlessly. "That's one thing I haven't missed about you."

He rolled his eyes, but ignored my comment, turning to his plate again.

After a few minutes, Sam joined us too. When he came in, he walked over to me, directed me to stand up, and gave me a tight hug. "Happy birthday!" he exclaimed. "How does it feel to be 27 years old now?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Not much different than being 26, I guess." He chuckled as well, and then released me. "Here, I got you something," he said, handing me a tiny package not larger than an inch. It felt light, and was wrapped in light purple wrapping paper.

I unwrapped it and chuckled when I saw what was within it. "Did you two talk to each other about giving me presents?" I asked Sam and Bobby.

Both men looked at me, confused as to why I would ask that. "No, why?" Bobby asked.

"Because I'm getting Lord of the Rings themed presents," I grinned, holding up a fan merchandise replica of the One Ring. I put it on, happy to see it fit me perfectly.

Sam and Bobby looked at each other, and then high-fived, excited that they came up with the same idea for my birthday presents. It just made it a lot better.

I hugged Sammy again, this time for just a few seconds. "Thank you, ya big moose, I love it."

"No problem," he said, sitting down at the table in the seat next to Bobby's. I sat back down as well, looking over at Dean, who was staring at his still rather full plate, with an expression of horror on his face.

"Dean? What's up?" I asked him, a little concerned he wasn't eating anymore, while he had been gorging his food not only two minutes ago.

His head snapped up. "Nothing," he said, standing up. "I just realized, I… I um… have to go do something." And then he left.

"What was up with him?" I asked, baffled at his behavior.

Sam and Bobby shared a look, but said nothing.

I shrugged and continued eating.

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><p>After breakfast, I went upstairs to get dressed. I put on my favorite pair of ripped, black skinny jeans, a grey long-sleeved shirt and a Linkin Park band shirt. I also put in my black stretcher, and wrapped my studded bracelet around my wrist. I combed my hair, making a side fringe. To finish the look, I pulled on my trusty pair of black Dr. Martens. I walked over to my dresser and searched the drawers, looking for my black nail polish, needing to repaint my nails. After I had done that, I let them dry for half an hour while flipping through my latest Kerrang magazine, being careful not to spoil any nail polish on it. When they were dry, I walked back downstairs, and saw that Dean had returned. I also walked in right in the middle of a conversation.<p>

"Well, then tell me what else it could be," Sam asked Dean.

Confused, I asked him, "What? What could what be?"

"Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel," Dean answered him, ignoring my question.

Ah, so that's what, or rather who, this was about. Castiel.

"Okay, look, Dean. Why do you think this Castiel would lie to you about it?" Sam asked.

Frustrated, Dean answered him, "Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie."

I groaned. "He's not a demon, Dean."

"She's right," Sam said, siding with me. "A demon who's immune to salt rounds, devil's traps _and_ Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!"

"Don't you think that if angels were real," Dean said, still not believing. "that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point... ever?"

"Yeah, you just did, Dean," I said, smiling at him humorlessly.

Dean glared at me. "I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me, guys."

"Dean, we have a theory," Sam reminded him pointedly.

"Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please."

"Okay, look. I'm not saying we know for sure. I'm just saying that I think we –" Sam said, but he was interrupted by his brother.

"Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a freaking Angel of the Lord because it says so!" Dean called out, and again I groaned in frustration.

"Dean, he _is_ an angel, I'm sure of it," I said.

He glared at me. "How can you know that? No one has ever seen one."

"Just because no one has ever seen one, doesn't mean they're not real," I told him. "I mean, if there are demons, isn't it only logical that there are angels as well? You know, as in the expression 'angels & demons'? In my opinion, the one can't exist without the other."

Dean was going to say something, but Bobby beat him to it. "You three chuckleheads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?" he called out from his desk.

Me and the boys glanced at each other before walking over to Bobby.

"I got stacks of lore, Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit," he said in his gruff voice.

"What else?" Dean asked with an intense gaze.

"What else what?" Bobby replied, not getting what he meant.

"What else could do it?"

Catching on, my adoptive father answered him, "Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing."

Sam turned to his brother. "Dean, this is good news."

"How?" Dean inquired.

"Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?" Sam explained, and I nodded my head, agreeing with him.

"You are saved by an angel, Dean. That's a good thing," I told him softly, trying to make him realize that.

"Okay. Say it's true," Dean said. "Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?"

"At this point, Vegas money's on yeah," Bobby chimed in.

"I don't know guys," Dean said softly, and I could tell he started to believe a little.

Sam caught onto it as well. "Okay, look. I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof."

"Proof?" Dean repeated, at which his brother replied with 'yes'. "Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it."

"Why not?" I asked him. "Why isn't that a possibility?"

"Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about _me_?" Dean said, and I again, just like in that shed, felt sad to hear my best friend thought so little about himself.

"Dean –" Sam started, but his brother interrupted him.

"I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy."

"You're not, you're my best friend," I said softly, at the same time as Sam answered Dean, and because of that Dean didn't hear me.

"Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs," Sam said.

"Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God," Dean said, and I rolled my eyes.

Sam rolled his eyes too and said, "Okay, well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat."

Dean sighed. "Fine. What do we know about angels?" he asked Bobby.

My adoptive father grabbed a large pile of big and heavy-looking books, and placed them in front of us. "Start reading," he said with a pointed look.

Dean looked at the pile of books, and then turned to his brother. "You're gonna get me some pie," he said while pointing at him, and grabbing a book.

After a while, me, Dean and Bobby were flipping through the books in the hopes of finding something useful, while Sam was out looking for pie for his brother, and chips for me.

It had been close to half an hour, when Bobby stood up, and mumbled something about having to make a phone call.

Dean sighed, shoved the books aside and took out his phone as well. He called Sammy to remind him he is supposed to be getting him pie, and chips for me. When he hung up, he turned to me.

"What do you say if we take a small break, huh?" he asked me.

"Sounds good to me," I answered, standing up. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I heard Dean enter the kitchen and turned to face him.

"Hey Jay," he said, and I looked at him in question. "Happy birthday."

I removed the bottle from my lips, and smiled at him softly. "Thanks."

"I wanted to congratulate you earlier, but I uh…"

"You forgot and that's why you rushed out earlier, to buy me a present," I finished for him.

He smiled at me sheepishly.

I softly chuckled. "It's okay, I didn't even needed a present, you know I don't like birthdays anyways."

"Yeah well I still got you one. If you get presents from Bobby and Sam, then you're gonna get one from me too," he said, and handed me a square package, wrapped in black wrapping paper.

I unwrapped it, and squealed in excitement when I saw the contents. Ten new cd's! And ones from good bands as well! I didn't buy much cd's, because I usually bought my music from the iTunes store, but I was always happy to have some anyways.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed. I flung my arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

"I thought you would be happy with them," he chuckled, burying his face into my hair, like he always does when we hug.

"I am, thank you so much!" I chuckled back at him.

"You're welcome, birdy," he said softly.

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><p><strong>And I'm afraid that's it for this chapter! Let me know what you guys think! Seriously, let me know what you like, what you hate, what you think I should change,… anything! Constructive criticism is always allowed and helps improve the story. So review!<strong>

**This was mostly a filler chapter, and next chapter things will be getting interesting and a small part from Jayden's past will be revealed. I will probably post it somewhere next week, or the week after that, as school will be taking a lot from me these next two weeks.**

**Shout-outs:**

**Favorites: **wolviegurl, TabloidTeen, Avloth, EverRose808

**Followers: **wolviegurl, Moon Stealer, MissLizziebeth, EverRose808, alleycat023, THE REVIEWING MASTER

**Replies to reviews:**

**Wolviegurl: **Thanks for your review! Here's the update you wanted ;)

**TabloidTeen:** Thank you for your sweet review, it made me laugh :) And I think you'll enjoy the ride I have in store for Jay! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**MissLizziebeth:** Thanks for reviewing, and I'll most definitely try to do that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

**Song from the title: Bring Me The Horizon – Crucify me**

**Bye, I hope to "see" you next time!**

**-Nele**


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